i’m pretty interested in eating a lot of bread
[reaches down to touch football] Its still warm. Theres been sports here recently.
- Dispatcher: 911, whats your emergency?
- Me: Is ya'll hiring?
date idea: feed me grapes and fan me with giant leaves while I sit on a couch in a toga
*puts “never had a scene phase” on college application*
*hamlet voice* tbh or not tbh